Episode 199

Well, in recent days, podcaster Jennifer Welch and her co-host, Angie Sullivan, shared their colorful thoughts on homeschooling after a caller expressed frustration that stupid people she went to school with were choosing to homeschool their children.

What followed wasn’t simply a disagreement with homeschooling. It was a stream of insults. Homeschooling was called “the worst, worst, worst.” Christian parents were portrayed as people who fear critical thinking. Homeschooling was described as selfish, and raising children with a Christian worldview was likened to child abuse. Parents were called “dumbasses,” plenty of f-bombs were dropped, and the following day Jennifer doubled down on her view of homeschooling.

What struck me wasn’t simply that they disagreed with homeschooling. People are free to have different opinions and make different educational choices for their families. What struck me was the confidence with which they spoke about a community they seemed to know very little about.

Their comments reflected a picture of homeschooling that simply doesn’t resemble what modern homeschooling looks like in America today. And judging by the response online, I wasn’t the only homeschool parent who noticed.

The Response

I think many of us in the homeschool community were genuinely gob smacked. Wondering how someone could speak with such certainty and such contempt about something they clearly didn’t understand. And when I say “ignorant,” I mean it in the truest sense of the word: not knowing.

I wanted to talk about it almost immediately. Not because I wanted to keep an internet argument going, but because I needed to process what I had just heard. There wasn’t really time to sit down with friends and think through it together. It was one of those moments where you hear something and your mind just starts turning.

I felt shock. Then disappointment. Then anger.

But if I’m honest, the emotion I kept coming back to was sadness.

Sadness that millions of homeschool families are still viewed through stereotypes that are decades out of date. Sadness that children who are being lovingly educated at home could someday hear adults describe families like theirs with such contempt. And sadness that so many people listening probably assumed those caricatures were true.

Because words matter.

When someone with a platform reaches millions of people, those words shape opinions. Opinions shape culture. Culture influences policy. And policy affects the freedoms families have for generations to come.

That’s why I felt compelled to respond.

I posted an open letter, not because I needed Jennifer Welch to agree with me, and not because I felt insecure about my decision to homeschool, but because I believe homeschool families deserve to be represented truthfully.

But here’s the thing: this episode isn’t really about Jennifer Welch.

Long after this particular controversy is forgotten, homeschool families will still encounter the same questions, the same assumptions, and the same misconceptions. So today, I don’t want to spend our time dissecting one person’s comments.

Instead, I want to talk about why homeschooling is worth defending, not because every family should homeschool, but because every family deserves the freedom to thoughtfully choose the educational path they believe is best for their children.

Link to IG Open Letter: https://www.instagram.com/p/Da4hZvRFGfa/ 

It took me a while to compose, but I wanted to offer a jumping point for a more truthful conversation about homeschooling. And to offer support and encouragement to other moms who I know were struggling with the same thoughts as me. Do we just let this go? Do we come back spicy? Do we stay calm? Do we wave it off?

Truthfully, I’ve been loving the conversations and comments that came from my post. I was so humbled by moms thanking me for articulating thoughts they, too, had had on her rant.

But not everyone liked that I said something. I did get a few comments and messages saying “you can just not respond.” (Which…is a response).

And then today I saw a lot of posts stating: “you don’t have to defend your choice to homeschool.” I mean, the choice is yours. I’m not saying that’s a wrong point of view. It does feel kind of dismissive to those of us who have been thinking this over and sensing the red flags of their rampage…but, at the end of the day, you don’t have to defend anything. If you do, this episode is for you.

To many of us, the red flag isn’t about homeschooling, it’s about parental rights. Parents (and not the state, media personalities, or internet commentators) bear the primary responsibility of raising and educating their children. This conversation isn’t ultimately about homeschooling. It’s about who gets to decide how children are educated. If we lose that principle, homeschooling isn’t the only thing at risk.

I do feel we should have some basic defenses when it comes to defending homeschool. Our voices and experiences need to be in the ring when we are having discussions about homeschool. Homeschool is no longer a private decision. It is very, very public. Public opinion and everchanging laws are two reasons we need to have some basics under our belt as lines of defense so that we can continue to enjoy our homeschool freedoms and so our grandchildren can be homeschooled as well. It’s not just about us and our everyday now…it’s legacy thinking. Protecting the rights of our grandchildren to be homeschooled.

I’ve been in the homeschooling space for over 19 years. That’s almost 2 decades of watching and listening to what people say about homeschool. Laws changing. Education philosophy arguments. Attacks on homeschoolers. People lobbying for homeschooling to be illegal or even monitored heavily by the state—or, even worse, at the national level. Some people want parents to only teach what the dept of education says they should teach (and this is evidenced by the fact that if you receive funds from your state to homeschool your children, you cannot use the funds to purchase Christian curriculum).  The laws surrounding homeschooling are shifting every year, multiple times per year across the country. (You can follow these changes at hslda.org).

And these changes have a trickle-down effects that effect our every day (even if Jennifer and Angie’s opinions don’t).

 

Baseline of Understanding for How to Defend Homeschool

Who is working with what information: there are a few assumptions opposers to homeschool bring to the table:

One, they do not understand that we function in a completely different educational paradigm (philosophy, education model) than a brick-and-mortar school. They do not understand this. This needs to be a foundational principle that is shared. We focus on a genuinely personalized education for each child, learning efficiency (it really only takes a little bit of structured learning time per day and not hours at school and hours of homework), and our children learn constantly through real world experience. In their minds, learning only happens in a school setting by teachers (whom they call experts). Teaching only happens if it’s difficult and presented by an expert.

I even see this misunderstanding in the homeschool community. It’s the first and biggest hurdle for homeschool families: homeschool is not school at home. You can live and learn outside of that archaic and often failing education model. You don’t need testing, pressure, sitting all day, hours of mindless tasks, crowd control.

 

Two, we live in a society that believes that your choice is a commentary on theirs. My decision to homeschool is not a commentary on my neighbor’s decision to send her child to public school. Her decision to send her child to public school is not a commentary on my decision. Insert any parenting or political idea in here: bedsharing vs. cribs., left vs. right, etc. Knowing this going into discussions can help you cut this misconception off at the pass. Point it out. If someone gets defensive, you can say “My choice to homeschool is not a commentary on your choices.” We’ve got to do our part to diffuse this crazy cultural belief—it really shifts conversations.

Three, many anti-homeschoolers attack religion. And I think the point to mention when this argument comes up is the fact that there is that no worldview that is “neutral,” not even secularism (which many people who practice it believe). They believe secularism is the gold standard, the baseline, a common ground that is acceptable to teach children from…and there are many who don’t believe that. It’s the fact that you bring up that they cannot argue with, not truly. Because secular culture has it’s own worldview, beliefs, and values just like every religion.

Four, people are threatened by the effectiveness of homeschooling. Homeschoolers thriving at the level they are really highlights a lot of shortcomings in the school system. It does. It’s especially obvious to us as homeschooling parents who were public schooled. The holes are super obvious. But you need to be aware that arguments against homeschool are going to have this charge behind it, whether they want to admit it or not. We can diffuse this charge by being aware of the emotion behind the arguments that might be stemming from feeling threatened. Threatened animals can get very defensive when backed into a corner. Keep coming back to facts over feelings. Reroute conversation to facts over feelings if emotions seem to be taking over counter arguments.

Five, family culture is not at the center of a public education. It’s not. And I say this based on hours of operation and how long children are at brick-and-mortar schools away from their families, how homework has taken over what precious little family time that’s left in a day after school is out, and how you cannot travel as a family or have unexcused absences because the school district says so. I hear parents say quite often that they can’t do x,y, or z because the kids have to be in school by law. They arrange their entire lives around what the school says their family can/can’t do and when they can/can’t do it. That is wild to me. Homeschool offers the freedom to put family first. It’s one of the reasons we are thriving and can live at our own pace. Family not being at the center of the brick-and-mortar system is why some of those families are struggling. Their whole schedule (and the pace of their lives) is centered around what the school tells them is important and where the children need to be when.

Homeschooling has family as the center. We do what we want, when we want. If you didn’t feel like you had such freedoms but wanted them, wouldn’t you be a little miffed that you don’t get the same freedom?

Six, talk about educational pluralism. America offers multiple educational models: homeschooling, public, private, charter, classical, Montessori, Waldorf, universities. Different children flourish in different environments. It’s good that they all exist. Homeschool is a legitimate option in those offerings. Facts over feelings.

Seven, socialization is not a thing. It’s not a problem. It is ridiculous that we are still talking about this. I will sometimes joke that our only problem with socialization is that we socialize too much. It’s ridiculous. And shows the ignorance of naysayers. And yet. We are going to have to keep saying that it’s not a problem and not a concern until THAT messaging becomes the norm. It’s easier just to accept that we’re going to have to be a broken record until the new soundtrack about homeschool and socialization becomes the understood and accepted norm.

 

I want to encourage you:

1. Awareness. At certain times in pop culture, there are a lot of folks who grab their torches and pitchforks and ban together to attack the homeschoolers. I think it’s okay to be aware that its being said. (or even be taken aback by what they say). It’s really eye opening to know how people view homeschoolers. Pop culture gets it wrong most of the time. We need to make sure we have a hat in the ring when it comes to conversations in pop culture about homeschool so that something as fickle as pop culture isn’t the main voice shaping society’s view of homeschooling. We’re proving them wrong by how we live, but they are truly in a silo about homeschooling and the narrative is often “I knew a kid who was homeschooled. He was weird.” End of story. That’s not the whole story. And yet, it’s the story that most people have until our children’s generation grows up and forms a new pop culture opinion where millions of them were homeschooled and are thriving. Then the narrative will be different. Until then, laws are being passed about homeschool freedom and these reps don’t know a lot about homeschool outside of pop culture and limited references. If you feel so compelled, speak up. Show them who we really are. Give them the facts. That all starts with awareness of what is being said when and what is being voted on in your state when.

 

Ideas don’t just stay ideas. Neither do opinions apparently. They become headlines. Headlines become assumptions. Assumptions become accepted understanding. Understandings influence policy. Policy becomes law. We can interrupt that chain with the truth. Public narratives can (and often do) shape the future of our culture. Disrupt it.

 

1. Resource Yourself. Calm confidence comes from feeling resourced. Seek out wisdom from people you trust and then act on that wisdom. As homeschoolers, we aren’t going to take action based on anything Jennifer and Angie said. We don’t trust them, it’s not wisdom (or even truthful), so we are not going to make any changes in our lives based on her opinions. But she has almost half a million followers who see her as a leader of some kind, think that she speaks wisdom and truth, and will take action based on her spewings. These people also get to vote. They have that freedom. We need to be ready with resources that defend homeschooling when it comes our time to defend it, and defend it we must…for the sake of our children and grandchildren. We need to surround ourselves with people we trust

 

1. Get Involved. It’s simple but effective to be involved policitally with politician who represent you. Join HSLDA. Send emails, make phone calls, or schedule in person meetings with your representatives. Be available to answer questions or share homeschooling wins to help them understand the values and needs of homeschooling families.

 

1. Perspective. Other people’s choices are not a commentary on my choices. My choices are not a commentary on theirs. My choice to homeschool is not a commentary on someone else’s choice to send their kid to public school. If they are feeling big emotions about that, that has nothing to do with me. I find it helpful to constantly sort this out in my own mind and in my own conversations. It seems obvious, but it’s this twisted thinking that creates rage in others when it comes to any topic…politics, parenting, etc.

 

1. Discernment. We are most at peace & growing when we act on the wisdom passed on to us from people we trust. Find people you trust. Discern what is wise. And then act on that wisdom. If an element is missing, if there is no trust or no wisdom present, move on. Jennifer and Angie were lacking wisdom in their argument. They didn’t have the humility or discernment to say “I don’t know enough about this to have a strong opinion.” That leads to great mistrust. Hone your discernment muscle. Use it. Strengthen it. And then act on the wisdom you gain from people and sources you trust.