There are so many times in my life I’ve wondered if I’m a people pleaser. I’ve wondered if I was taught to be, if everyone in our society is to some degree. I’ve questioned if some of my decisions are centered around people pleasing, and if it’s something I need to work on it my life. Am I modeling it for my kids? Expecting it from them unintentionally? I’m sure you’re here because you’ve wondered similar things.
My friend Lynn Carter is here to help us unpack our people pleasing habits and provide us with some much needed perspective to refocus our time, attention, values, and schedules and shake our people pleasing tendencies. She’s sweet, funny, kind, and encouraging. She tackles this conversation without making it a “heavy” and for that I’m so grateful.
Lynn’s Bio: Lynn Carter is the creator and host of The Good News Mama Podcast, she is a wife, boy mom, her sons’ coach (which she talks about in the show), and my dear friend.
In this episode, Lynn and I talk about:
- Lynn is coaching her kids in sports right now
- Developing character
- A winning attitude
- Are we “too much?”
- What got Lynn thinking about and working on people pleasing
- Caring too much about what other people think of us
- People pleasing hijacks our time and our lives
- People pleasing is an epidemic
- Getting our priorities right
- Looking at our calendars and seeing if it reflects our priorities
- Having our identity in Christ and not in other people
- Feeling pressure from other people
- Finding our validation in God and not other people
- God wants to free us from that and show us who we are
- Cultivating discipline
- Hero complex in motherhood
- The lie that “we can do no wrong” keeps us from self reflection
- People pleasing is a learned behavior
- The development of pride
- Parents finding our identity in how good our children doing well
- Sports teaching kids good things like teamwork and perseverance, but also walking the line of not teaching them that their performance doesn’t give them people pleasing validation
- Where we can start unlearning people pleasing
- Letting go of labels
- “Am I a woman of worry or am I a woman of the word?”
- 2 Corinthians 5:17 I am a new creation in Christ
- Nobody likes confrontation
- Having confidence in Christ gives us sure footing
- Confront yourself first
- Feeling guilted into doing things we don’t want to do
- Put away demands and rest in Christ
- Burn out can be lessened
- 1. Confidence 2. Clarity 3. Commitment
- Healthy boundaries
- Anxiety and worry are a biproduct of our secular culture
- A sweet aroma to those who believe and a stench to those who are perishing
- The misrepresentation of Christians thinking they are “better” than others
- Finding more joy in the beauty all around us
- God becomes greater, I become less
- The more we speak up about our beliefs, the more it becomes rooted in us
- We need to change our way of thinking and let ourselves go a different way
- Not allowing others to dictate our time and priorities
- Letting go of comparison between our family and other families
- The heartbeat of fear
- Worry about worthiness
- “Self care” and “Me time” movements are glamorized
- The notion that you don’t have to sacrifice on the alter of motherhood
- Avoiding burnout in motherhood
- Jesus came to serve…but He got away and prayed
- There is even societal pressure in our rest and on our own time
- Self-centerdness vs. self care
- Getting so stressed out that we “get out of character”
- Getting realistic with our timelines for people who want to work past their people pleasing tendencies.
- Evaluating your priorities with each season
- Viewing our motherhood journey through the lens of seasons
- “I don’t think I can commit to this right now, but do you know who might be able to help…?”
- Being diligent about what God has for us in each season
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The Focus Retreat. The mastermind I’m in with Jennifer Ford Berry, Becky Kopitske, and Amy Debrucque has an exciting announcement! We are hosting our first ever in-person retreat this fall at Shaker Village outside of Lexington, KY. It’s called The Focus Retreat and we could not be more thrilled to share this opportunity with you! Join us this September for an opportunity to gather with other business minded mamas who long for the opportunity to carve out time to focus on what matters most to them in their businesses and lives—community, strategy, family, organization, and confidence. We’re taking a whole woman approach to our coaching in this retreat by integrating business, personal, and spiritual growth—I love that this will all happen in-person with other woman who value genuine community over networking.
They’ll be keynote workshops, break out sessions, social gatherings, a mastermind panel to help you learn how to form your own, (and the in-person opportunity to introduce you to other women who are also interested in joining a mastermind) PLUS an optional VIP experience at Amy’s lake house with live music, delicious food, and sisterhood. Come hang out with me, Jennifer, Becky, and Amy in-person this September at The Focus Retreat in beautiful Kentucky! Go to www.thefocusretreat.com for more information and to reserve your spot for this boutique retreat. Tickets are limited. Head to www.thefocusretreat.com to reserve yours!
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