As humans, we crave connection. As moms, I swear we crave it tenfold. It feels good to be supported and seen and loved and understood wherever we are on our motherhood journeys. But there’s this message out there or a belief or a generational hangover or something that is holding us back from friendship…many moms feel like they have to mother alone, that that’s “just the way it is,” or even how it should be. But I believe that’s just not true. You are automatically part of a group when we become a mom. Whether that is in-person, online, or just energetically. You have millions of women surrounding you who get it. Women whom you can call “friend” for a moment or a season or a lifetime. But certain cultural messages or limiting beliefs can leave us feeling disconnected from that sisterhood. The village is automatic…and yet it also has to be created, too. How confusing. No wonder so many of us feel overwhelmed at the idea of making friends as adults…especially early on in motherhood or are going through a big life change like a move and are trying to sort out other details of our life at the same time.
Or many of us fall into the trap of believing that one person can fill all of our needs for us…that there is just one human—a unicorn BFF or a spouse—who can be the support, see us, know us, love us, and understand us. A sort of “one stop shop” for friendship. But I’m not sure it’s fair to put all of that onto one person and expect them to be everything to us or for us. Don’t get me wrong, my husband (who is one of my best friends) and my BFF (who is now also a mom) make me feel loved, supported, seen, and understood without a shadow of a doubt. BUT. They aren’t the only ones who can do that for me. And as I diversified my friend circle (mostly through moms group and by connecting with moms I used to babysit or nanny for whose children are older) I inadvertently took some of the burden off of my husband and best friend by having my friendship needs met by others. Having a diverse group of friends also gives me perspective that one person can’t always provide.
There are so many ways we can talk about and examine our friendships and I really appreciate the way today’s guest, Emily Siegel, breaks it down for us. She believes that we can thrive having 5 different types of connections—and I think she is onto something. Emily has been studying friendship, talking about it, shining a light on it, and really taking the mystery out of friendship so that moms everywhere can start to shift out of this mindset that friends are too hard to make.
Today she is going to help us look at mindset and motivation, give us ideas for how we can overcome obstacles when making mom friends, and ways we can give ourselves grace as we learn how to make friendship feel lighter.
Emily’s Bio: Emily Siegel is a corporate mom and fierce friend. Host of The Connected Mom Life Podcast, she believes that authentic connections are not a nice-to-have, they are a must-have! And she is on a mission to help moms create more of them. Because she knows we weren’t made to mom alone, and it’s time to stop trying.
In this episode, Emily & I talk about:
- The Five Friend Types
- 1. Same Season Friends
- 2. Different Season Friends
- 3. “Work Friends”
- 4. Neighbors
- 5. Extra- Curricular Friends
- Finding friends after a move
- Making mom friends
- Friends who cross
- Debunking myths about what it is like to make friends as an adult
- How we don’t necessarily know how to make friends as an adult
- Making friends and keeping friends
- How cattiness and cliques from middle school and high school bleed over into adulthood
- Thinking “you’re the weird one”
- We don’t have a culture that promotes friend making as adults
- We don’t have models of how to make friends as adults
- Friendship as a skill
- What connected mom life means and looks like
- How knowing yourself deepens your friendships and relationships
- Current events and tension
- Dropping the stigma around not mixing business and pleasure—absolutely mix them!
- Having podcast work friends
- Not putting too much pressure on one friendship
- Looking at the expectations we have in our marriage/partnership
- One on one connection audits that Emily offers
- The basic needs we’re all trying to fulfill in our friendships
- What are the things we need in a village to feel supported in our motherhood
- Advice for moms who have a hard time making friends
- Knowing that every friendship isn’t necessarily a great fit
- Making friendship feel lighter
- Friendship maintenance
- Emily’s quiz and friendship resources
Emily’s Links: Website, Podcast and Instagram
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Beautiful & Simple: Today’s episode is sponsored by Beautiful & Simple, an online boutique I’ve created and filled with products that remind me to slow down, enjoy my days, notice the beauty around me, and embrace the simple moments that make up a life well lived. I’m curating new pieces for you and your kids for the holidays and into 2021 so be sure to visit www.beautifulandsimple.com regularly to see what’s new! I’m especially excited about the poetry tea time mugs for kids. Check out the collection of mugs, shirts, and bags currently available at www.beautifulandsimple.com
Pam Barnhill’s Morning Basket Plus: Today’s episode is also supported by Pam Barnhill’s Morning Basket Plus membership. If you are a homeschool mom looking for fun, engaging support materials to bring truth, goodness, and beauty to your homeschool days, Pam Barnhill’s monthly morning basket membership is where it’s at! It’s on sale now through tomorrow (October 25th!) for only $99 for the entire year. It goes back up to the regular price of $150 after that but honestly, it’s totally worth it either way. The membership includes an online support community, monthly morning basket lessons that are absolutely jam-packed with poetry, formal & informal lessons, art and music and video resources, and so much more. I use the monthly themes to naturally incorporate fun and curiosity into our homeschool lessons. Find out more at www.elevatingmotherhood.com/pam
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